The Comparison Trap

Have you ever thought, 'If only' or 'God when'?

I have. Since high school, comparison is something I'd dealt with until I learned this.

images from psychology today

Hi family and welcome back to the blog.

If you live in this world, you've probably had the chance to compare yourself on several occasions to other people. Unfortunately, comparison steals your joy.

We've all experienced a practical example. You take a very difficult exam. You're sure you're going to get a bad grade and then you find out you did relatively well. You didn't fail after all. Whew! Minutes later, you find out some other students had much higher scores than yours. All of a sudden that relief and satisfaction you had in your miraculous result is tainted by the condemnation of comparison.

You who were rejoicing 5 seconds ago are now melancholic. An exchange has occurred and you can feel it. 'Oh, my score isn't that good after all, 'Look at what Gbemi has.', 'Why can't I be like Femi?' Our testimonies become something we are ashamed of. We are so focused on the fact that we don't measure up to others that the miracle God gave to us, we turn on him and say it's not good enough. I want more.

This was my first revelation about comparison. It's usually followed by ingratitude. You either stop rejoicing and don't even begin to give thanks for your blessings.

At first, I felt bad whenever I compared because I remembered it came from ungratefulness. However, the extra condemnation didn't help either. I read blogs and watched videos. I would be okay for a couple of days until there was something else to be envious of. It was like a biological response that just needed to be triggered.

Years later, in college, I came up with a resolution. 'If I'm the best at everything then there would be nothing else to compare myself to' or 'If I try really hard, I can't blame myself. I would be proud no matter what I achieve.' And it worked for a while until bigger life problems arose. As college grades began to matter less in the grand scale of things, other things like my career or personal progress became the target of comparison.

I often worried about my 'impact in the world', comparing it to what others were achieving until I attended a changemakers conference for third sector leaders. Thank you Aramide and DDK. I can't even remember the full name of the conference but I was so blessed. Of all the things that were said one couldn't leave my mind.

'You can't have partners if you're competing with them all the time.'

If the phrase, 'It hit me' ever occurred in my life. This was it. I realized, that I mostly compared myself with people who had what I wanted, and this sometimes caused resentment. Unfortunately, isolation is a recipe for disaster in the nonprofit sector.

In minutes I had to make a decision. Would I pull back and beat myself up for not having achieved as much as more established businesses and NGOs present or would I introduce myself and tell them how I really admired what they were doing? Route 1 would mean leaving the conference feeling inferior but Route 2 could lead to exciting opportunities to learn from and partner with others. That conference to date is one of the best I've ever attended. My life was changed and my joy levels have been up there.

Of course, every now and again, comparison and its green-eyed cousin try to rear their head in my life. It's ok. It happens. But when I observe this, I remind myself, you can leave here feeling two ways. Which will you choose?

That's my advice for today. When you feel the duo of comparison and envy creeping, remember to ask yourself, which route will I choose today?

Hiya, thanks for stopping by the blog today. Hope you enjoyed the post.

Have you had any instances with comparison?

What were your triggers?

What other areas of life do you think this principle works in?

Remember to like and share this with anyone you think needs it.

Till next time,

Peace and Love,

Kami.

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